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What I've Learned From My Mentee's Miscarriage

Hey Majestic Daughter! What’s happening?

During this last quarter of 2019, one of my mentees discovered she was pregnant. The beauty in her pregnancy is that she knew she was pregnant before it was confirmed by a pregnancy test or medical professional.

Her pregnancy was a true blessing, but it was also a high risk. Her pregnancy came with various challenges that took a toll on her physically, mentally and spiritually. Every day I was committed to making her experience smoother.

At sixteen-weeks she miscarried. I knew she was really hurting because she wanted to birth this baby into the world. She never said it, but I knew it was God’s promise to her that she would have a baby girl one day.

After the miscarriage, I was afraid to speak because I didn’t want to offend her. I had never been through anything like that before. I wanted to say something because I love her.

There were moments that she expressed things that were happening to her after the miscarriage like comments that people would make such as “God knows best.” This made me cringe because as spiritual as one can be you don’t want to hear that in the moment you are hurting, It makes you feel like you did something wrong.

I decided to remain myself through it all, I didn’t try to have the answers to her pain but just keep talking about everyday stuff and making her laugh. The days I could sense it was hard for her to process I allowed her to unpack her pain. Then there was a time in the process that I realized that I needed to connect her with other women that had been through what she was experiencing.

I learned multiple lessons from this experience…

#1 Never assume you know how the person feels that is hurting. Ask lots of open-ended questions so they can unpack their pain in a safe place.

#2 Never make them feel like they are abnormal for having feelings. Remind them that emotions are natural for human beings.

#3 Never stop them from sharing their truth. Communication is essential to their healing. Let them talk and let them keep talking even if it’s months later after the trauma.

#4 Never minimize their pain. A loss is a loss no matter how big or small you may think. Losing a baby, no matter how far along you are in the pregnancy can be challenging. I only know from what I saw my mentee encounter.

#5 Never stop praying. Even if you see them improving, keep pressing and praying. It takes time to heal, be set free and delivered. It’s never an overnight process.

I hope this helps you not only with someone that has experienced a miscarriage but people that you encounter that are hurting period. The worst thing we can do is disregard their pain and cause them to isolate themselves even more. Love them to wholeness as they navigate through their process.

To my mentee Keonna Shaw that has preserved through one of the most challenging seasons in life I love you dearly. I know that God has parted the red sea just for you so that you can walk to the other side gracefully in this season. Love you much!

To learn more about her journey visit

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